be someone's brother and a comparison means. Brotherhood is a term "relational" and if you're brother is not obliged to be higher or lower. So I confirm what my friend and namesake Louis, twins, who often point out that the more he is, he was born a few seconds earlier. Be more logically would simply arrive early and begin to learn and develop before and force even before the parents to learn how to work against their offspring. And parents can only be first-time with the brother / sister, but no more. At that the older brothers are like the first impression. Nothing before that can be used: no experience with the nephews, or acquired as adults compared to other children, or that we acquire in childhood and the memories of this time wanted to start our lives wisely.
The problem is that minor children can not always assume that what is learned as parents with older children can apply to them. The younger brother of my eldest son was announced with an air of casual, "came, although they are not strained and anxious for my arrival ... but I come quickly." While the child most wanted to be announced soon, and my friends even complimented me for having to leave for day to save energy for my shabby genes in the performance achieved fruitful night, the younger son came despite having taken up the exercise, and sleeplessness and exhaustion caused by the greater. The more we thought
would have trouble hearing, until the doctor explained that he was too weak to protest, we believe that it was cross-eyed, as in some photos an eye "and that he was there, until the ophthalmologist explained that it was simply the bridge of the nose was consistent with being "very stubborn" diagnosis as his cousin Oscar frankly. The child did not have time to wonder, or doubt, or ask, parents hypochondriacs with the first, if he heard, for their protests at the slightest noise is left each morning to discuss the next-door neighbor, who seemed to take the records of hours of crying and the requirement of milk.
like your brother, said my mother. It looks like your brother, declared others. What a beautiful child! Sure looks like your wife ... thought some more, with what my mother felt increasingly beaten, he seemed to recognize, without declaring that their children had not come out as beautiful as of her daughter. Proud that there kids will ever look better than he and his brother, his mother asked, "Who is more handsome?" Until answered with a voice that probably articulated and understood the word before his brother: " me! "and burst out laughing, as if he understood that and the other jokes that made us smile to see him.
Having a younger brother is not easy. Apart from that it assumes that those who are older brothers of someone else, have an obligation to educate, the problem is when that brother did not agree with outdated practices with which we were brought a few months ago. And if my sister assumed the task of educating his two younger brothers as if she were much older, my younger brother not only ignored my educational support, but managed to be smart enough to educate him to me. In that tradition upside down, my youngest son managed to start teaching words, movements, dance steps, shouting, patience, his younger brother. And if my brother gave me the central arguments of some of my master when he was in the degree, the younger brother soon realized that the crying of his brother did not mean that there is a latent threat to all babies in the house and soon ceased to be united with eager cries the elderly.
One of my students welcomed the new kid at the same time take the opportunity to warn that, apart from being big brother can not be easy, being a younger brother can be a burden. "I'm the youngest of several brothers and when I arrived and it seems that everyone was sick and tired of having babies, so I did not make me much attention. Ask also if the younger. " And meanwhile, who had been the only boy king and tyrant of the house, tugging me to keep me near the birthplace of the child, who came to invade not only what was once their space, but to fill occupations time and concerns of parents who were just for him. So that during the first weeks of life the child had little chance to hug and had to wait to sleep more to admire the baby eyes and lips the same as those of his mother. And if the term brother is relational and comparative, that of the sibling rivalry that has fascinated both psychoanalysts, seems to imply that children begin to do math, and mathematical calculations of the time parents devote to them. And to make accounts on time we devote to the brother. "Why he did carry it, pamper it, you buy, you're done, tolerate him ... and not me?" We wonder, magnifying the attention they lavish him with his brother and decreeing that no matter how give us, while not all, will remain low.
In this rivalry, the younger brother engages in conquering a territory and a parents' time that was once exclusive and that he never will be: there is already an occupant with whom we must share with the parents, spaces, times, food, toys, seats in the stroller, in the family car, the eyes of the grandparents, friends, fatigue and energy of parents. So our youngest son, in his first weeks, seemed to have chosen me as territory lost to the insistence of the first to walk away, and take over the mother all day, refused to sleep, eat, stop mourn if you did not have his mother's warm arms around him and learned to sleep on your abdomen to ensure that there was beneath him.
The most eventually learn that the mother was lost territory in the fraternal struggle, so I learned to sleep in my abdomen, to ensure that I was there when he woke up, to pull to get away from the brother ... So we decided to take turns in separate rooms and in turn, to care for one and another. The major began to understand that at least once every other, her mother would be present there to attend to, while the less began to understand that once again yes and no, his father would be there to do what the mother would turn.
At one point I began to understand some of the implications of what I ever said a colleague at the university to see my first child, with only a few months old, "one wanted to stay and that not grow. " My reaction to that sentence was: "No! I do not want that, I want to grow, walk, talk, do things and thank you. " But now I see, especially the speed with which it develops the younger brother, his childhood is gone. That of the "ten talents" who once said his grandfather, "and not have to waste any," crowned the commentator, my youngest son wanted to learn them, wasting them, show them all before they reach kindergarten, and soon devoted to draw circles, eating with their own cutlery, walking the malls without shaking hands, singing and dancing as they come , chat with older brother and tell jokes without words, go out in awake, rubbing only while bathing. While the older brother we keeps asking her "baba" milk "the child manages to drink water in a glass, wait until the diaper is removed for urination, press all the buttons on your DVD player's to find the one that serves to stop or move, at will, the film has chosen from among the favorites of "duck!, pant! Lion! Barney! "And it warns us that, however slow we want to be, or as much as we worry that not enough progress, soon our babies (especially the youngest) achieved their independence and go to school to the homes of friends and relatives, the world, but we can not stop now. They remind us that the terrible teens, with their silence, isolation, loneliness, growths, bumps, trials, errors and their inability to go back, also hovers over them. And their children will be gone, along with their demands, but eventually their autonomy take your walking to jumps, startled eyes, his sweet "Daddy, Daddy, Daddy!" Slow
like his father and almost as much as his grandfather, the elder brother began to say words and try to spin sentence only to the example he put his younger brother. Concerned, her mother commented to my father, "when will he talk? What preoupación expesar anguish that something and that we no longer understand what you want! "Grandpa, who was not a kindergarten, he replied that he had begun speaking at five years ..." So do not worry, one day speak. " But it seems Froebel and Montessori both were right: the development of various skills in childhood is related to socialization. So parents, especially those who tend to "understand" and "guess" what they want their children had been holding back the language of higher learning, who began to communicate more when they visited cousins, talkative and eager to things and activities that could request and claim. Reciprocal visits and the support of younger brother (who served as challenge and example to talk and dance) may arise in which to understand and retell the jokes the biggest is to ask the child.
In my time visiting school of psychology (which did not study much), used to speak of "effects in the sequence" on behavior. The reasoning, very behaviorist, was very simple: if you first "subjects" (pigeons, rats, children, chimpanzees, psychology students, bystanders, who are the subjects of study classics as undisciplined discipline) behave in a certain way, is difficult to learn otherwise later. So, somehow, what is learned first affects what is learned and what can be learned later. My wife and I usually ponder whether the order of birth of our children have had another sequence: we would taken with the ease (relative) with whom we take the announcement of the arrival of second son, had been the first such "movidoso" from the uterus and then out of it as it was the second? Would we have panicked if the first had been so difficult to follow, as active from the moment you open your eyes in the morning, so perceptive moments of hilarity and the difference between playing and suffering as was the second?
My oldest son and I be a little more slowly learning that our respective siblings. Although over the years that it has the advantage that one can learn many things in life without having to wait for us to explain them to the contemporary or teachers, meanwhile (at least I) is the feeling, the brothers have more perceptive, that something fails us, that we need to get angry with each other because they understand just what it should be understood later. And it should be "after me, because I am the greatest."
Fortunately, even though it took me several years to understand that my brother's birthday came three days before mine ("Why did he meet before, if I'm older?"), I ended up accepting that while quite older brothers have to suffer the children cease to be unique to our arrival, the younger brothers help us to understand that they also have to reclaim their spaces and lots of time and attention of parents. The daughter of my wife, more for 16 years that my older son, we said, jokingly, that his legacy, "weight" is increasingly divided. Instead of weight, became 50 cents and then at only 34 cents (the largest, and which corresponds to a penny per old). Conversely, the problem is that younger siblings are rare occasions they can enjoy all the attention, resources, youth, parent, since these resources have been somewhat eroded by the elderly. Is to lower the despicable no consolation to reach a world in which older and have given some training sessions with parents.
course, some parents are learning more slowly than others ...
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